Sunday, 25 May 2008

This is your pilot Gordon Brown speaking.

Gordon BrownJohn Prescott came up with a strange analogy to defend Gordon Brown's sullen demeanour on the Andrew Marr show this morning: "When you get on an aeroplane, do you go and look in the cockpit to see if the pilot is smiling".

Imagine the situation:

Hullo, this is the pilot speaking. We have been informed that our arrival in New York has been delayed. This nothing to do with us, this kind of delay is happening around the world and I'm afraid it's out of my hands. Now, normally this is the point where I would say that there's no need for concern.... but, you see, ah - now how shall I put this? You know that we normally carry enough fuel in reserve for occasions like this? Well erm, we haven't today. Not my fault, you see - we've run out of money. Those fancy new seats you're sitting on cost an absolute fortune and I'm still paying for them. Yes I know they are uncomfortable and the recline function doesn't work, but hey, you've got to admit they look good - at least you'll die in style.

Now here's the rub: we haven't enough fuel to make for another airport, so there is a choice to be made. Do we crash on land or into the sea? I can't decide, I've never been very good at making important decisions. I know that is not an ideal quality when you're looking for a pilot, but I've been pushing to be one for ages and no one else turned up for the interview. So this is what we are going to do. We're going to hold a review. The co-pilot will hand out a questionnaire and we will all vote whether we want to die on the land or in the sea. I can't guarantee we will follow the review's advice, as I believe that on most occasions, I know better. And please note, this is not a referendum - I don't do them.

Please believe me when I say that even though this is all my fault, I believe I'm the best qualified person on this plane to crash it. If you do by some wild chance survive this flight, please understand that I have been listening and learning and I hope you will fly with us again.

Good luck.

15 comments:

The Raven said...

Well said, Steve. It's also a rather unfortunate analogy to use considering that Gordon Brown is almost blind, and has absolutely no vision (in the political sense) either.

I don't look into the cockpit and hope my pilot is smiling. But at the same time, I get concerned when I see he's wearing sunglasses and has a Labrador and a white stick.

Robin said...

What about those fuel reserves for emergencies like this ? Oh I forgot, he sold them off cheaply for a few EUros.

haddock said...

Things must be desperate if you send out Prescott to do your talking !

Alan Douglas said...

Great Analogy Steve. On an aside, bloody Hull in the playoffs for the Premiership was already an excuse for the BBC to interview Prescott yet again, I wish they had failed, we'll never here the end of him now.

Alan Douglas

Daily Referendum said...

Alan,

At least Eric Pickles managed to perform well on what was a very left leaning episode.

Hull? That will be interesting.

Daily Referendum said...

Haddock,

Brown must have promised to buy a few copies of his book.

Bill Quango MP said...

It was an odd, yet typically Prescottian thing to say.

No, you don't expect the pilot to be smiling. But then he's not on the telly is he? He's not on the world stage having his every word, deed, demeanour and gesture commented on, is he?

Brown's media image is all part of the modern politician.It's not an optional extra, it's essential.

If he wants to demonstrate his Towering Intellect he can hang out with Stephen Hawkins

Daily Referendum said...

Bill,

I don't know what's worse - Brown looking miserable or that terrible fake smile of his. It looks like someone is operating it from remote.

Anonymous said...

DF

You have this all wrong I am delighted to say.

The plan involves the population of the UK to be reduced over time by only 40-50%. So its OK we are not all going to die. Although I am sure plenty will wish they had.

tapestry said...

Fantastic picture of the Brown sulk taken from TV by Mike Smithson on politicalbetting.com

It is a picture of a man in total denial.

It goes well with this pilot spoof which is excellent.

Everyone feels sorry for Brown, it seems. What about the country he's ruined?

Daily Referendum said...

Tapestry,

Great photo, It looks like taking advice is not one of Gordon's favourite pastimes.

javelin said...

Yep, a pilot who has set the auto-pilot controls to the "heart of the sun", and locked the cabin door.

Ian Thorpe said...

Unfair to blame Gordon for the whole bag o'shite. His mismanagement of the economy is the cause of a lot of wailing and gnashing of teeth but we must not let Blair think that because he timed his exit well he will be exonerated of his many crimes and misdemeanours.

Man in a Shed said...

Its the Charles Clarke defence - "as I'm the one who screwed it up I'm the most qualified to put it right".

He rightly got the sack.

dirty european socialist said...

The PM has enermous mental strength and he goes through stuggle and wins every time and time again. Look at when he lost his eye or his child, or was put down on by Blair and campbell but he won in the end. Most people would be crushed by any of these issues. Yet he has enrmous mentla strength. He allways wins in the end. He has enormous intelligence and mental strength.

If he flew the plane, on every flight the plane would be attacked by hijackers, go throguh a magentic storm, get fired at by Chinese fighter pilots and then suffer all the other pilots getting food posioning. Yet he would still land the plane safely. Because he allways wins. And he would get told off for not being a bimboe.