Monday, 26 October 2009

USS Obama and HMS Gordon Brown explained.

I received this today from a workmate. I don't know who wrote it, but it's worth posting:

The USS Obama

Seeing it next to the Arizona Memorial really puts its size into perspective... ENORMOUS!


When the Bridge pipes 'Man the Rail' there is a lot of rail to man on this monster: shoulder to shoulder, around 45 acres. Her displacement is about 100,000 tons with full complement.


Top speed exceeds 30 knots, powered by two nuclear reactors that can operate for more than 20 years without refuelling

1. Expected to operate in the fleet for about 50 years
2 Carries over 80 combat aircraft
3. Three arresting cables can stop a 28 - ton aircraft going 150 miles per hour in less than 400 feet

1. Towers 20 stories above the waterline
2. 1092 feet long; nearly as long as the Empire State Building is tall
3. Flight deck covers 4.5 acres
4. 4 bronze propellers, each 21 feet across, weighing 66,200 pounds
5. 2 rudders, each 29 by 22 feet and weighing 50 tons
6. 4 high speed aircraft elevators, each over 4,000 sq ft capacity
7. Home to about 6,000 Navy personnel
8. Carries enough food and supplies to operate for 90 days
9. 18,150 meals served daily
10. Distillation plants provide 400,000 gallons of fresh water from sea water daily, enough for 2,000 homes
11. Nearly 30,000 light fixtures and 1,325 miles of cable and wiring 1,400 telephones
12. 14,000 pillowcases and 28,000 sheets
13. Costs the Navy approximately $250,000 per day for pier side operation
14. Costs the Navy approximately $25 million per day for underway operations.


Headed for Newcastle , the British Navy welcomed the latest member of its fleet today. The HMS Gordon Brown set sail today from its home port of Skegness .

The ship is the first of its kind in the Navy and is a standing legacy to Prime Minister Brown for his foresight in military budget cuts and his conduct while Prime Minister.

The ship is constructed nearly entirely from recycled aluminium cans and is completely solar powered with a top speed of 5 knots. It boasts an arsenal comprised of one (unarmed) (ex US Navy) F14 Tomcat or one (unarmed) (ex USAF) F18 Hornet aircraft which, although they cannot be launched or captured on the 100 foot flight deck, form a very menacing presence.

As a standing order there are no firearms allowed on board.

The 20 person crew is completely diversified, including members of all races, creeds, sex, and sexual orientation.
The crew, hand-picked from the Civil Service, is specially trained to avoid conflicts and appease any and all enemies of Britain at all costs!

An on - board Type One DNC Universal Translator can send out messages of apology in any language to anyone who may find Britain offensive. The number of apologies are limitless and though some may seem hollow and disingenuous, the Navy advises all apologies will sound very sincere.

The ship's purpose is not defined so much as a unit of national defence, but instead in times of conflict, the HMS Gordon Brown has orders to seek refuge in Blackpool . The ship may be positioned near the Labour Party Headquarters for photo - ops.

We Should be very proud.........


Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

I knew there was something wrong with HMS Brown... it's too impressive!

Beware of Geeks bearing GIFs said...

That's very funny! Thank you!

nemo_sum said...

Oh tanks - you've brought a smile into a gloomy day! Very funny - thanks again!

Prodicus said...

Bloody marvellous. Have linked.

James Higham said...

You had me going for a while with that second one.

theo said...

as a serving member of RN i creased up - Gord talks a good game for the forces then shows his contempt with shit kit and Bob fucking Ainsworth.
however surely the Obama ship would be more like it promises all those things, wins awards for it then achieves very little?

Anonymous said...

Based on this