Saturday, 20 March 2010

BA Strike: This is your Pilot Gordon Brown Speaking.

Imagine if Gordon was your pilot:

Hullo, this is your pilot Gordon Brown speaking. We have been informed that our arrival in New York has been delayed. This nothing to do with us, this kind of delay is happening around the world and I'm afraid it's out of my hands. Now, normally this is the point where I would say that there's no need for concern.... but, you see, ah - now how shall I put this? You know how we normally carry enough fuel in reserve for occasions like this? Well erm.... we haven't today. Not my fault, you see - we've run out of money. Those fancy new seats you're sitting on cost an absolute fortune and I'm still paying for them. Yes I know they are uncomfortable and the recline function doesn't work, but hey, you've got to admit, they do look good and spending on seats has gone up in reals terms every year for the last ten years.

Now here's the rub: because we haven't enough fuel to make for another airport, there is a choice to be made. Do we crash on land or into the sea? I can't decide, I've never been very good at making important decisions. I know that is not an ideal quality when you're looking for a pilot, but I've been pushing to be one for ages and no one else turned up for the interview. So this is what we are going to do. Because the cabin staff are on strike, my co-pilot Alistair will come amongst you and take your votes for a forced landing on land or sea. And please note, this is not a referendum - I don't do them - because that is the right thing to do.

So please understand that even though you may think that I got us into this terrible situation, I believe I'm the best qualified person on this plane to crash it. If you do by some wild chance survive this flight, be assured that I have been listening and learning and I hope you will fly with us again. In the mean time, I will be getting on with the job.

Good luck (smiles).


Dioclese said...

Bugger - you beat me to it! I was going to do something very similar about the BA strike today - but I have to admit yours is pretty good!


Daily Referendum said...


I've added you to my blog roll.

Cheers Steve.

opsimath said...

A nice piece of work, Steve. Thank you.