Gordon Mavis Brown - Oooh, He doesn't really know.

I wonder if anyone in the house of commons has started to call Gordon Brown "Mavis" yet? I can just imagine him standing at the dispatch box uttering those words that made Mavis Riley so popular during the eighties: "Oooh, I don't really know".

For example:

Why do you claim the Lisbon Treaty is different to the EU constitution, when the heads of all the other EU states say it is the same? "Oooh, I don't really know".

Why have you failed to build enough prisons when you have had ten years to prepare for the rising numbers? "Oooh, I don't really know".

Why are our hospitals so dirty and dangerous that you have had to spend £50m to deep clean them? "Oooh, I don't really know".

Why did you bottle out of a General Election last year? "Oooh, I don't really know"

If you were boycotting the Europe-Africa summit because Mugabe was attending, why did you send Baroness Amos in your place? "Oooh, I don't really know".

Why did the European Scrutiny Committee report that they are not confident that your EU Treaty red lines cannot be eroded over time. "Oooh, I don't really know".

Why did Alistair Darling's Pre Budget Report steal so many Tory policies? "Oooh, I don't really know".

Why were thousands of illegal immigrants cleared to work in security. "Oooh, I don't really know"

Why were 25m sets of personal details get lost in the post, and where are they now? "Oooh, I don't really know".

Why did five ex-chiefs of staff attack you for inadequate MoD funding levels and the appointment of "two hats" Des Browne? "Oooh, I don't really know".

When your party's General Secretary Peter Watt resigned over dodgy donations, why did you say he was the only one who knew about them? "Oooh, I don't really know"

Why did Charles Clarke call you a ditherer? "Oooh, I don't really know".

Why do you keep saying that police numbers are up, when the police federation say they are down? "Oooh, I don't really know".

Why did your Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith, fail to honour the Arbitration boards' recommendations on Police Pay. "Oooh, I don't really know".

Why are you giving the Unions millions of pounds of the tax payer's money under the guise of the Union Modernisation fund, When the Unions in turn donate millions of pounds to the Labour Party. Isn't that money laundering? "Oooh, I don't really know".

Why did you fail to attend the signing of the Lisbon Treaty, unlike all the other EU heads of state? "Oooh, I don't know".

Why didn't you sack Peter Hain over his dodgy donations straight away? "Oooh, I don't really know".

Why is your party 16 points behind the Conservatives in the latest YouGov poll? "Oooh, I don't really know".

Why has your poll rating has fallen to minus 37, down from plus 48 last August. A drop worse than Neville Chamberlain who in 1940 dropped from plus 21 to minus 27 after Hitler’s invasion of Norway. "Oooh, I don't really know".

China, why? "Oooh, I don't really know".

Zimbabwe, why? "Oooh, I don't really know".

Why has your party not removed you already? "Oooh, I don't really know".

Come on Mavis - Make a decision.